could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
