So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
