i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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