okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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