Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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