I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Non-Jews are for practice
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
