Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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