I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
