Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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