I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
