I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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