all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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