i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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