I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
