No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found puke in my bra..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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