just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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