My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
