Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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