I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
