I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
