She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
