I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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