Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
