I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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