i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Fuck appropriateness.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
