Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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