Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
