i would punch a child for taco bell
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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