3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
