I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
50% drunk capacity currently
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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