I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and she was petting her beer can
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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