i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
