Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
