just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
