is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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