1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
