so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i drank out of a bidet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
