i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
