____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
