I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
