I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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