my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize