Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
