We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
