Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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