we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
