My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
