I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize