Heybabeimwearingurpanties
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
