I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
