what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
