btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
