I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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