So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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