How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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