How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
