While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
