Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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