If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I intend to get homeless drunk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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