the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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