Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
