So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
