everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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