im gay
i know
yea but for you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
