Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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