bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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