420 ftw
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize