I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
