very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
