I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
