I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
