I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
