i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
