I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
