Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
