Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
