this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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