I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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